Hello to Honesty: A Broken Heart Cannot Be Mended Perfectly

[Possible Trigger Warning]

 

The pictures I added are all handwritten so there will be words misspelled and weird sentence flow. As someone who also suffers from a mental illness, I tried my best to not use any possible trigger words.

I’ll sum up what I’ve written for those who have busy schedules or cannot read my handwriting (my hand started cramping so the letters look different).

 

I’ve seen a lot of posts. A lot of articles.

I’ve spent an entire day bawling and lazing around the house trying to make sense of it all. I’ve finally hunkered down to write it all out.

I lost my best friend today. Sure I may not have known him personally since he was (I originally wrote the word is. Goodness, that threw me in a loop) a kpop idol and the only words I know in Korean is hello, bathroom, and cute but he was someone very dear to me. I’m truly heartbroken and I am not alright at all. I probably won’t be for a long time.

I loved him very much. Not the romantic type of love or idol worshiping but the emotion one has for a friend who is doing amazing things every day. I’m extremely distraught to know that I will never see him again. I’ll never hear him sing or listen to his compositions.

To think that one’s heart could not break into even smaller pieces, I worry for the other members who I love just as immensely, his friends, and especially his family. I know that they were incredibly close and he loved them so much.

I also worry for the fans both national and international. He was just as important to them as he was to me.

Please remember, there is a light at the end of this shitty tunnel. Please hold out a little longer. A lot of us have been there. I have been there. There are resources, numbers to call, and people to talk to.

Some people may scoff and say how ridiculous I’m being for caring so much about a member of a Korean boy band.

Lots of things we humans do are ridiculous and crazy. Just because you don’t understand my crazy does not invalidate it.

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