Truth Be Told

I will dub this particular post as GHWMO or Getting Healthy with My Oppas. It used to be Getting Skinny for My Oppas but I changed it since the phrase sounded terrible as soon as I texted it to my “twin”.

Honestly, when I started exercising, my main motivation was to become skinny and pretty. I thought about finally being thin and finally downsizing my wide face. I thought how great it was going to be to finally have a thigh gap! I’d be able to wear non-wide shoes comfortably. I thought about how I’d finally show off to a select few who dissed me when I was a kid. Yet, I felt extremely vain for thinking these things.

I know that many people, including myself, have stood in front of the mirror countless times poking, prodding, and stretching to achieve perfection. Perfection that has changed from magazine cover to magazine cover for decades now.

In this decade, our society is obsessed with thinness and that is incredibly corrosive rubbish for a teenagers and impressionable children. I remember growing up and envied my friends because they were much thinner than I was. I still get angry at the memory of someone calling me a fat pig in Hmong during a game of tag during recess. Goodness, I wanted to punch her in the face that day but thank the good Lord I didn’t!

Uhhh, anyway…I looked at the magazine covers and was awed by how beautiful these people were. It wasn’t until I was older when I found out about the magic of contouring and Photoshop. But by then my self-esteem was lower than absolute zero. *badum-tss*

I weighed roughly around 120 lbs when I was in middle school and went up 150 lbs at the end of my freshman year in high school. In my first year of college, I weighed almost 230 lbs.

When I was in high school, I hated how big I was. I wore a lot of baggy and flowy clothes. I rarely wore anything tightfitting and laughed at myself whenever I tried on skinny jeans. It wasn’t until college, I believe, that I wore my first pair of skinny jeans. I think I started dressing better because I watched TLC’s “What Not to Wear” a lot.

In my second year I had dropped down from 230 lbs to 180 lbs and my confidence increased enormously. My face was slimmer, I was able to wear cuter clothes, and my arms weren’t flabby. I began dressing up a bit more and wearing makeup (It is definitely true. People are nicer to you when you’re pretty). But I kept the mindset of how I needed to get skinnier and I was pretty miserable when I couldn’t lose more weight to get below 180 lbs. Since withdrawing from school, I have gained weight and have gone up to 230 lbs again. However, I wasn’t devastated about the weight changed. I was actually quite content. I wasn’t stressing out about how much weight I wasn’t losing. I wasn’t stressing about how others viewed me. I had more important things to worry about which I will delve into another time.

I changed the name to Getting Healthy with My Oppas because being healthy is incredibly more important than being skinny. I have sleep apnea so throughout the night I’m incredibly restless and wake up most mornings feeling worse compared to when I went to bed the night before. I also wanted to be able to walk up the hill to get the mail without feeling tired at the top.

For almost a month now, I have been jogging for at least 25 minutes on the treadmill and I have lost a total of five pounds! I’m very proud of myself and have noticed how much of a difference losing five pounds has made. I’ve lost a considerable amount of my double chin so I don’t wake myself up from snoring. Yes, it happens people. I feel much happier with myself since I’ve done a lot of self-reflection this past year (another topic that I may delve into at a later time).

The “oppas” part comes from me watching live performances and concert clips on YouTube as I jog. Many of the concerts that I watch have great set lists. The fast paced, upbeat songs are sung first and are sung without a long break between each song. Then after that, the idols talk with the audience for a short while and then they sing a few slow songs and pick up the tempo before the encore. So I jog at a fast pace for the first fifteen minutes and then ease into a slow jog until the songs pick up again.

From watching these live performances and concerts, I become so inspired by these people. They sing and dance at the same time! I don’t know if you guys have ever tried jogging and singing at the same while sounding amazing but it is incredibly difficult. So I think kpop idols are pretty darn amazing. So I always think if they can sing and dance nonstop, I can jog for twenty minutes without stopping.

I am currently 214.6 lbs which is a definite feat since I was almost 230 lbs a couple of months ago. Right now, it may seem like progress is slow but it is still progress.

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I decided to post this today because I wanted to be honest about a few things before begin posting GHWMO on Mondays.

I’ve also decided to take post-workout selfies to remind myself where I was and how far I’ve come. These are the selfies from past few days (I increased the speed the day of the fifth picture). Notice how my facial expression changes?

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