Hi! I really do apologize for not posting at all. I started working again so I can pay my bills and fund my book buys. I am not the best at managing my time and I feel as though I always promise to be better…doesn’t seem to be going so well right now. BUT I thinking I’m going to start doing TBT Wednesdays (to differentiate from TBTuesday and TBThursday). Hopefully I’ll keep up with it.
I have arrived at a point in my life where almost everyone I know has graduated with their four year degrees and have begun their careers. I am very happy for them, don’t get me wrong. But seeing posts about it on social media made me sad and filled me with self-pity.
I do want to mention that I’m really proud of my “twin”. I know she had studied tirelessly for ridiculous hours to get where she is now. My other, other “twin” is also on the same track and I’m so proud of what she’s accomplished so far too. My other, other, other “twin” has made steps to go back to school and I’m so happy and proud that she has. I’m also really happy and proud of my tall sister-from-another-mister of where she is currently. Being an adult is tough but she is doing it well.
I believed that in four years after graduating high school, I would walk across a stage again and receive my BA in Chemisty. That definitely was not going to happen. Unfortunately, I realized too late how much I hated chemistry. The labs were interesting and really awesome at times. I struggled with the classes but I convinced myself that I was in an academic slump. I was so darn stubborn and thought my low grades were just a passing phase. It most definitely was not. So in my third year of college, I made the decision to withdraw from school and move back home with my parents. In a way they were happy with my decision. To them, I wasn’t wasting any more money and time in a major I absolutely hated. I just now have student loans and no degree. Yay for that~
In elementary, middle, and high school, there wasn’t one subject I was entirely terrible at or one subject I exceled at. I was exceptionally average in everything. I was a subpar alto in the choral group in high school. People were only able to be in this group by auditioning for it. I told a friend of mine at the time I only got in because the choir needed more altos. I mentioned in my “About Me” page that I was in plays when I was in high school. When I think back, I was not a good actress. I attended an early college high school and it was quite small since the school only accepted about 100 students every year. So you can only imagine how small the cast was. I only got my roles because there weren’t enough people.
I guess there is one thing I was good at. One afternoon in high school, I was waiting for my brother to be done with his tennis practice when I asked one of the guys on the team if his girlfriend was okay since I had seen her cry earlier that day on my break. He started telling me about the woes of his relationship and how difficult it was dating a freshman. Afterwards he thanked me for being such a great listener even though he didn’t know me very well. A few friends would lay out their troubles for me to listen and felt relieved to have an outlet.
You can also learn a lot from people when they don’t think you’re listening. Sometimes the subtlest droop in a grin or when the smile doesn’t reach the eyes speak the loudest. When I was bored or procrastinated in doing my homework, I would low-key people watch. I realized how many people hated each other by looking at their body language. When I predicted who would get together and started dating, I mentally high-fived myself.
I wanted to end on a higher note because as I read back to edit this post, I realized how hard I am on myself. I have so many faults and I’ve only come to terms with how silly I was to try and cover them up. In doing so, I covered the few better qualities I have too.
I’ve decided to stop here this week. Any longer and I would start ranting about how terrible high school was. I guess can be next week’s post? We’ll see.
Live long and prosper,
Ellen Jones V.